Early Saturday Morning

One thing is clear!

One thing is perfectly clear, if I don't take time out of my day to get off of my feet and rest the remainder of my day, the week is blown. This week I felt great. It began with the epidural injection on Monday, which gave me really great pain results, meaning it took away a large percentage of my pain and suffering. This guy Cohn is really a miracle worker. He is the only doctor who has managed to figure out exactly where the impinged nerve is, isolate it and then inject it, providing me with amazing pain free results. Considering the person at HFA in downtown Mpls couldn't figure it out and injected me at least seven times, but in the wrong area. Cohn interpreted the results from all of my MRI's differently and he nailed it. He is now wanting me to undergo a nasty test called an EMG. This test determines the rate of nerve contraction by the muscle. They stick you with needles in the muscle and then run current. Not my favorite thing to do I assure you, but I am considering it. He says it will provide him with much clearer results and accuracy, plus indicate whether or not I have any other problems of a serious nature that may be in need of repair. I think this may be something I should mindfully consider. Now I will pray about it, talk with people about it, and then make my decision. In the meantime, I will be grateful that I am not in near the pain I once was.

The other interesting thing that occurred this week is that I am, very lightly, communicating with my step-brother again after at least 20 some years. It was fun trading memories of our mutual past, growing up in a household that was insane with alcoholism and really smart chemists. My mother could sure through a lab party that's all I have to say. Apparently the chemistry department still talks about the Overend lab parties and the "debauchery" as Chris calls it that occurred at those parties. They were certainly wild times and I am super glad that the stories have been pasted down through the chemistry department's oral history. There is a bust of John that mother commissioned (much to the department's embarrassment, I might add) and he's now located in the faculty lounge, so that he doesn't miss a meeting. I thought that a righteous and highly amusing thing to do with the weird bust. I can't imagine what was going through her mind other that she just couldn't let go of her life and John was at the center of it. How tragic is that. My poor mother had no identity outside of being married. That makes me stay compassionate and caring for her, a woman who put a man before her children and before herself. How very tragic that she never developed a strong enough sense of self that she could stand on her own two feet emotionally and spiritually, but she could not. I am so glad to be able to break that cycle in the family. Because that type of behavior stopped with me. If I would have had my own children they would have been taught differently and they would have seen my actions as different. Hopefully, my sister's children will see this in me as I take daily actions in my life that are much different than the examples my mother could have provided. Example is always the best teacher. Anyway, I am always a bit sad about this behavior of my mother's and wish she could have been different, but it clearly showed me behaviors that I did not want in my own life and I made sure I knew how to change to make those behaviors a thing of the past. And that's exactly what has happened, gratefully.

Today will be a very fun family day and date day with my husband. First, we are going to the Louisiana Cafe for breakfast and then we travel down south of the city for a hay ride and corn maze. I have wanted to do a corn maze for the longest time and today's the day. After the corn harvest the farmers design mazes and then mow the corn down according to the design. Then we pay for the use of running through the fields trying to figure our way out. Tina's son, Ayden will be there and watching the excitement in his eyes will be equally fun. But, I am sorry, two year olds aren't the only ones that have fun in a corn maze. 50 somethings have an equally good time too. I think this is the case because that youthful spirit never leaves the mind. I think this is one of the hardest parts of aging. The mind stays youthful while the body begins its decline. I am wondering if having a mind later in life is a good thing or not. Losing memory used to be called something besides Alzheimers and dementia, but I can't recall (of course) the name of it. My point is that I wonder if losing ones memories and such is actually a gentler way to go than remembering you were young once and able to do so much more. I have recognized in my own body that I simply can not do what I once was able to do even though my mind still wants me to. Surrendering to this realization has come as a shock and a difficult surrender to make. What an adjustment. Horrid actually. But an adjustment that simply had to make or I would be fighting something that i was not able to win so it became much easier to surrender than to continue to struggle. Then I gained my energy back and my ability to move in a more positive direction. That you God. Struggle and fighting takes so much energy! Phew. I am glad the worst of it is over and the positive energy can takes its place.

Well, have a wonderfully positive day and I will tell you all about the corn maze tomorrow!

Cheers....Robin