Beyond Excitement-- if there is such a thing
I truly do not know if one can be so excited that they are ready to burst, but that would be me right now. Here's the thing...
I feel like I have finally landed after careening down the black and horrible tunnel I have been sliding down for the past four years. Yes, I have come to a dead stop and amazingly enough, I am now on the way back up. God is truly my savior and the love of my life. I am entirely grateful to have such faith and a faith which has been restored to an even higher level than once before. I have a friend who has said to me a gazillion times, how his mother would "work the beads" and this is exactly what I have done and the most consistent action I have taken for the past four years. Every time I thought my life was over or that my life was destroyed and over, something would happen, which would seemingly come out of no where, snap my head around, and suddenly my perspective about my situation would change, or my situation would actually change, and I would be left in awe. The type of awe which only God can provide. All because I worked the beads.
Now, here I am, still climbing out a little at a time, but climbing out of the fray, the depression, the despair, the hate, the rage, the...everything else that comes with being buried in a hateland which was so awful that I could not imagine my life anything but over. It is truly, truly amazing that I no longer feel this same way. At all.
So, yesterday, I was discussing the tough past few years with my Naturopathic doctor, Nita Champion, and she was truly amazed and respectful of the fact that not one time during that dark period of my life had I ever resorted to taking an anti-depressant or an anti-anything else for that matter because the pills would alter my thinking and feeling.
No, Nita was actually amazed that I was willing to allow myself to FEEL the depression and despair because it is a NORMAL and NATURAL response when difficult, and majorly challenging times occur in our lives. I am not in any way judging how others handle their emotions, but I do want to say that there are other ways one can respond to the pain and suffering and dark times of life than taking pills to alter a feeling which is normal and natural. I will, however, confess to having terrible thoughts of suicide, which never in my life had I ever even considered. But, I could not resort to that because I thought it so selfish and hurtful to those people who loved me so much: my husband, my family, my closest friends. Instead, I leveraged those very people to help me deal with the pain, suffering and sorrow I was experiencing. Most importantly, I leaned and relied on God more than at any other point in my entire life. I fell in love with God all over again because He, once again, saved my life. He gave my life back to me many times during the course of my life and I owe Him everything. Everything.
Also, I owe homage to the phrase my friend so unknowingly gave me.
Work The Beads.
And another little thing:: Thank you, God! We have an Airstream!! What a hoot. Never in my wildest dreams. Ha!!!!!!
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