Thived, hmmm....

Lovely home outside Austin, Texas

Hardship, adversity and suffering :: Very important for spiritual growth in my opinion!

I was just reading my "idea" for this blog. Originally it was to write daily on how I was doing from a health standpoint and how I survived and thrived these years. Well, I just realized that I am still in these years. I am not over these years at all but I want to believe that I am. Hah. Acceptance is such a difficult thing to do, but so important for my health.

I am doing more than surviving. One of the simplest notions that I get from my wonderful holistic therapist, Julia Crowley, is the notion of writing on my book daily and when I do my mind does not rest in negativity nor is it locked in on my pain scale. It is engaged in something else. It is engaged in creative thinking and that distracts me out of the pain/illness etc and lands me instead in positivity and creativity and miraculously my pain isn't something I dwell on. It is still there, but I am not dwelling on it. When my mind goes elsewhere it doesn't rest in negativity. It is about getting out of myself long enough to think about something besides myself. Wow. What a concept! It is a little more complicated than that, but the concept is accurate.

I still have problems with accepting my health limitations. Limitations are another matter altogether. Limitations are different from feeling handicapped by my health. I have another dear friend who thinks I should consider myself handicapped so that I learn how to slow myself down. Although I know her heart is in the right place I simply refuse to consider myself handicapped. Limited yes, handicapped, no. There are so many things that I want to do with my husband that I don't know if I can do because of my health and it scares me. It scares me that I won't be able to keep up with him and so I may lose him and our marriage. Now, this is the epidemy of negative, fearful thinking because it isn't true. But in my mind it is and that is where fear resides. In the mind. My wonderful primary doctor, Dr. Wilkens often reminds me that there are no more what if's..what if I am on vacation and this happens...what if scenarios are almost always negative and they are a working part of my mind and they are getting in my way. My dear friend Lynda tells me not to board the train those negative thoughts are on and instead let the train pass without getting on board. I think of Casey Jones and I instantly smile and feel much better. Remember Casey Jones?? Gosh that was a great show. My sister still remembers the birthday song of theirs. Round House Rodney was the other character on the show, I think. If you can recall anyone else there please, please, chime in and tell me so that I can post it later. Happy, Happy Birthday to every girl and boy.....remember?? Hah! I have to finish learning that song and I need your help to do it.

And what is thriving anyway? How does one thrive in the face of suffering, loss, hardship, Thriving is to prosper and flourish. Hmm. I am not sure I have done that completely, but I have come a long way in this regard. I feel like I have begun to flourish in the face of all of this hardship. I have begun to grasp the notion of a world where I am not in constant pain and suffering both mentally and physically. I am convinced that suffering is a necessary part of our lives and suffering is needed for our complete emotional and spiritual growth and maturity. I hate to admit to negative emotions but these negative emotions seem to work in a good way for my development. I can understand this completely, completely. As I was pausing here for a moment gray carpeting just popped into my brain box. What a hoot. It is amazing when I am thinking of one thing and then something else happens which connects me with something else and my mind creatively solves a problem. It never ceases to amaze me our minds. Actually, how our hearts and mind work together for our good. Amazing, God is simply amazing.

So, I am going out today to do my physical therapy and I am happy about that. I am learning more about myself through PT. I am learning how I sabotage myself by NOT doing the PT and I end up back at square one physically and I am tired of doing this to myself over and over! I wish I could just stay with it so that I can get better everyday and that I can watch myself doing so. As soon as I am over this nasty upper respiratory sickness I am in the pool baby!! My father is going to join me.

But, thriving is an interesting notion and one that I hope to accomplish someday. I want to believe that I can prosper and flourish during and after a season of suffering. I want to believe the best in myself. I want to believe that I can learn and grow and accomplish wonderful things despite being limited by my body. I mean really, it's not like I am Stephen Hawking. He was an amazing human being whose body was broken, broken. I can do that too. I can have a broken body and still have the shining eyes of Stephen Hawking. Do you remember the shine in his eyes? I do and it was amazing. I can accomplish great things in my life despite my new limitations. I will learn what those limitations are and work with them. What a novel concept. Learning something new and adapting to find a solution. That is thriving in a season of suffering don't you think? Now, I love the word adapt. I am going to look that word up and give you the definition by tomorrow. Adapt. Adapting. Adaptable. What a great word, what an interesting definition.

Have a great day!! Love is all around us even in 2 degree weather. PTL Baby!!

Robin