Updating and Moving Forward!

Trust God -- Move Forward

I am being a little delinquent in some of my responsibilities. And for me that is nothing short of amazing. You see I am one of those types of people who MUST do everything correctly and perfectly or I freak out. I think having this quality is not necessarily a good thing because I have put an undue amount of pressure on myself to have my own distinctly appropriate brand identity. I have lived more or less a bit off the center of things and I find it amusing to call my colorful even being in the color business! For instance, I went back to school in my, okay to mention one. Oh, I married my true love in my early thirties even after a scathingly horrible relationship I have entitled 'the situation' brought me to the point of telling daters this little mantra:: 'What you see is what you get and if you don't like me there's the door.' To Mitch's credit, he thought that was a fantastic sentence and still recalls it with laughter. Not fear. Hah!

Now, trying to be perfect isn't exactly the worst habit I can think of having, but I must be able to look all around me to see who is dealing with who? Or is that whom? I can never recall how to do that. Meaning, this perfectionism thing bugs the heck out of the very people I love the most. Mainly my dear Husband! During our marriage he and I have done a pretty good job of being each others strongest advocate, and his more laid back qualities counter my personality traits so we end up balancing each other out. Which is wonderful and quite a surprise from God because I never saw Mitch coming. He was like stealth bomber. He was silent and sweet and delicious and before I knew it he was asking me to marry him. Ah, no more situation, PTL!!

Anyway, yes, I am shirking my duties of being a being the classic first born and a national Overachievadiva. Many years ago I had that domain name purchased but I think I left the information go south. Well, I have had an epiphany of sorts. The kind that is making me both excited and vulnerable simultaneously. I am not going into details quite yet, but suffice to say that I am in the throes of figuring out exactly how I will move forward. The trust God scenario makes total sense to me but to actually go about doing that daily requires effort and complete willingness on my part. In other words, waiting on God is what truly separates the men from the boys. It takes calm aim and the type of perseverance that never taking my eye off the ball requires. I love the challenge of waiting on God because it stretches me out of the box of my own making, and also gives more power to never taking my eye off the ball.

However, the word wait has never been in my vocabulary. For me it has always been, bigger, better, faster, more. Living at that pace isn't exactly a great thing either because life speeds by when I am racing around. It must be immensely tiring to God having to run after me all time. HA! So, I must stop myself before things really get tiring!!

Funny, even as I write this I am actually calming down a little bit. I am no longer on deadline, heck, I don't even have a job outside the home. My greatest and most important job is to take care of my husband our home and our posse of animals. How great is that, I ask you?? I don't think my life has ever been better and yet I keep searching outside of myself for that one little glimmer of something else and I think I know what it is I just need to fall back and let the tide glide me around towards dry land. I am still working on ramping up The RockinR Design Group, Extraordinarily Creative, website, well, whoa Nelly, putting the cart before the horse here I think. Yikes, it is that easy. I am still working on tweaking my own company's brand identity and we stay fixed and focused on everything that will have The RockinR on it. However, this time, no paper Grasshopper! For those of you who are too young to know it, Grasshopper was coined back in the 70's in a TV show with David Carridine called, Kung Fu. Gosh, the things one remembers from the younger days. What a hoot.

So, I hope to keep you appraised of all that I hope to begin doing this summer. I am taking my time and letting God run the show. Funny, how when I step aside, miracles happen, but I must be willing to let go of the controls.

LOVE is all around. I live in a gorgeous warehouse-type artists loft complete with two balconies. But, while taking my dog to the dog park I smell the lilacs at the park just blooming away. It is wonderful this life of ours. I am no longer going at warp speed, Scotty. Oh, no, now it is how many things can happen to me without me telling God how things will go down. What a silly, immature notion too. I am not bigger than God, I just think I am from time to time. I would imagine that God laughs and laughs at me. Ha!

Checking back in Roger Ramjet. Now where on earth did that come from I ask? Roger Ramjet...if you know, please let me know.

RC

Love is Everything

Love. Love. Love.

God has placed in front of me a new person to learn from. I have always heard that when the student is ready the teacher appears. This is certainly very clear to me right now.

This will be a short and sweet musing this morning, but I will say this. I am learning first hand the power of positive thinking and living and breathing in the moment. If you haven't read it get the book 'The Power of Now'. I am taking things on using baby steps and not letting ANY negative thinking take hold in my mind. I am simply ready for my inner life to change and the only way to do that is to stay focused on living in the now and being positive about everything I think about.

If you consider this easy, I challenge you do try it for an hour. Rearranging old negative thinking patterns is hard work, but the rewards so sweet.

Reaching for God is a Powerful action.

I am up for this action. Wow.

Much much more to come.

R

Finally, An Early Morning Musing!

Early Early Early Morning Musings This Time!

I am going to continue discerning God's intention for me more than I have ever before. To be truthful, I am not entirely sure I have ever really prayed to know what God has wanted me to do, rather, I pray for others constantly. I enjoy prayerful times with God for others but never for me. I am learning that that is not always the correct thing to do. So, instead, I am being asked by my spiritual mentor to give my questions to God and then sit still and listen for answers. Run them by someone if I must or feel insecure, but that these should lesson over time and practice. Perhaps this is why meditation is called practice. Interesting.

However, one wonderful thing happening tonight is that I will be attending my dear friend Honey Man's (well, okay, if you must know his real name, Gregg Rotvold's) church choir rehearsal. I will not be able to attend their main performance this weekend, but at least I will be able to watch Gregg perform with the choir he is so happy to be a part of. As I sit back and watch the changes Gregg has made in his life, I want to make some of my own. I am actually thrilled at the thought of it. I think in many ways we are making them simultaneously. Perhaps it is because we are the same age.

So, I think today, I will put pen to paper and acknowledge the changes that I wish to make. Pray about them, and see what happens. God has never let the people down whom I pray for so I find it unlikely that He will not help me. The thought is actually amusing to think this way. I also owe someone I love dearly an amend. I plan on tackling that today too.

Well, lots on the docket. I am happy that my behavior is good and one I can be proud of. I am happy that the people that I associate with are kind-hearted and loving. I am glad that I am loving towards myself and towards others. My new motto:: I Know More Than I Think I Know.

So there! Ha.

I will let you know how the concert goes too. Rock on Rock, you are loved!

Robin

More Hiatuses...is that a word?

A little hiccup in my diddi-up!!

Oops. Please forgive me for such a long period of time in between musings. I have actually been busy. Yes, busy. First of all I had my seventh hip surgery about five weeks ago and so that put me down for about three weeks. Then I slowly started to be able to lift my right leg up. You see, over the winter when I did my swing-a-long-with Robin routine, trying desperately not to fall down on my titanium side (left) I ended up tearing the psoas tendon in my right hip, which required surgery. Dear Lord! I can't win! So, off I went to surgery where the wonderful David Palmer did his seventh bit of work on my hips. However, here's the good news in all of this slowing down. It made me begin to listen to myself. To hear what my Holy Spirit was telling me, and most importantly, how to begin to trust myself. Trust myself. I have no idea at what point in my life I began not to, but I did. So, at 52 I believe I am finally beginning to listen to this most powerful inner guidance. It is nothing short of amazing.

During this listening process I have been guided by my inner self to make some very big changes. Changes that I have needed to make for a long time, but have been very afraid of making. Somewhere along the line of my life I have let others do my thinking for me. I have listened to their guidance and dutifully taken that guidance whether I thought it was right or not. Well, I am not willing to do as much of that any longer. Listening to others is often good if it is accompanied by the wisdom of not repeating mistakes, which can be very costly both time-wise and financially. If taking guidance from someone who has been through something I am going through and can offer their wisdom to spare me, that is good! However, I believe I have been listening to myself for a long time already but have been too afraid to truly TRUST myself to make my own decisions about myself, my marriage and my life.

For instance, I have had a friend who for years has belittled me, called me names, and basically treated me very poorly and I have accepted this friend as a condition of our friendship. It doesn't occur often, but it occurs and then it dawned on me. Would I treat myself in this manner? Would I treat others in this manner? Is this acceptable behavior from someone who professes to love me, as she does? I love this woman, I truly do. She and I have been friends for years and it hasn't been all the time, just sometimes. But, is sometimes even okay with me? The answer is a resounding NO. So, I have made the decision to keep my distance from her and not accept unacceptable behavior from her or anyone else for that matter. I have learned through my illnesses that any form of negativity is not good for me. Period. I want to surround myself with love, light, and the positivity and love of God.

I have a junior high and high school girl friend who is probably one of the strongest women I know. She has had to endure many physical illnesses and has done so with power, grace, and dignity. That is what I want my new me to look like. These are the attributes that I have inside me that I have never let out due to fear. Well, people, the boxing gloves are going back on, because I want some of the Robin back that got lost in all the physical ailments. The feelings of being a victim and why me? Nope, not any more. I am going to begin to unleash the Robin who I remember as being tough, happy, and healthy. I can be all of these things despite having bad hips and a chronic illness/chronic pain predicament. Because I have a hunch that I have buried that girl and it is time for her to come back out. I can hardly wait to see what happens next.

Much, much more to come.

Namaste,

Robin

Little Hiatus

Guilty As Charged!

Can you believe it has been nearly a month since I have logged on and started to write my musings? Well, I have to admit I do have good reason. I had surgery about one month ago and it has been a slow recovery. I find the older I get the longer my recovery time is, so I must proceed with this information accordingly.

I had my seventh, yes, seventh hip surgery. This one was the third on my right side. I have no labrum left in that hip joint and my bone is corroded as the dickens from all the osteoarthritis and RA coursing through my system.

Here's some hope for you! I am going to see an Naturopathic Doctor at Woodwinds ASAP for a consultation. My dream is to meld eastern philosophy with western medicine practice for a more balanced approach to self care. I can't wait. I will tell you all about it after my first visit. I will scheduling that today. I heard about it from my holistic therapist, Julia Clowney, who is just a power house of great information. I am sick and tired of prednisone being the go-to medicine for most of the docs that I see and I am sick and tired of what the ramifications of that drug are, so presto, poof, gone. Not doing it anymore. No more injections, (exception is made for my L5S1 back inpingement, that requires the big guns). However, no more injections in my hips or hip bursa's I am done with that drug, period. End of report. Have I made myself clear???

Now, on another subject and then I have to get going. I have two dear friends on the east coast who are in dire need of more prayers. If you will join me in your devotionals to a higher power, my one friend is Sue who is fighting for her life with 3rd degree burns over 60% of her body and the other is Eric who is remarkably battling a gleoblastoma brain tumor. Please include these names to your prayer list or chain. I would appreciate it.

Okay, more later, promise.

Robin

An Old Friend

Saw An Old Friend Yesterday

Yesterday I was in Stillwater (as usual) getting a prescription filled and ran into a gentleman I had not seen in at least two years if not longer. He is an older man but as feisty as they come and extremely generous, humble and wise. Oh, and did I mention handsome! Sorry Jane! Jane is the wife. He is an ex-Marine and solid as a rock.

However, when I saw him yesterday in the lab area of our medical facility he was a glimmer of the man I knew two years ago. I found out this was due to the fact that a mere three weeks ago he had prostate cancer surgery and that the cancer was in some lymph nodes. Apparently, this is not good. But with steely determination I could still see the fierceness behind those eyes to conquer all that was swinging his way. This man has faced all of the obstacles a long life has to offer and was given a new life many years ago. Now, he is looking down the barrel of another new life. What an amazing story he has to tell.

As we began talking he was telling me about how tired he was and how he was sleeping so much. For the first time in my poor health career I was able to share my experience with another person by providing a solution to his question based on my experience, strength, and hope. The answer was so decidedly simple, too. I told him to follow his body. If his body wanted to sleep, let it sleep. If it wanted to eat, let it eat. Etc., etc. Our bodies tell us exactly what it needs to get better if we would only listen to our bodies more frequently we would hear the vast wisdom it has to offer us.

So, running into him did him some good and it certainly did me some good. I was able to see a dear friend and watch his eyes light up when he saw me as my eyes lit up when I saw him. He is the dear, sweet, grandfather type if ever there was one, but again, feisty as all get out. You could call him a little stick of TNT. Hah!! That is perfect in describing him.

Our discussion was short lived as he was called in by a nurse for his lab work and we lost our connection. But, in that short amount of time I was able to tell him a bit of my story, provide a solution to a question he had, and most importantly, tell him he is now included in my daily prayer chain. I work my beads daily and he will now be a welcomed addition to my prayers. This man is a humble, dear man. I am blessed to know him and know I will know him for a long long time to come.

Here's another great event that will be occurring on Monday night the 18th. I hope I see some of you there. Positive Living with Chronic Disease. I think you should be able to click right on that sentence and get to the website for more information. If not, simply Google it and you will see what an amazing couple of hours can be spent for nothing. What a wonderful blessing. And they are all around me if I just look.

Blessings of the day to you and all you meet today. I think I will remember that everyone I see or talk to I touch in some way so it better be a positive experience for them. I would much rather leave them with that than a negative experience. Yikes. How awful would that be.

Okay, so my husband is home from his big meeting in Atlanta and I am going to enjoy the remainder of my coffee time with him this morning.

If you would like more information on the chronic disease seminar or talk given by Joe Nelson, please let me know and I will point you in the right direction. Mitch and I are already registered so please join us.

God's Blessings to you on this fine day He has given us.

Robin

A Week Long of Healing

Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Healing

What an interesting week it has been watching and listening to my body heal itself. God, of course, had a pretty good hand in all of this, but my body is slowly beginning to heal the broken parts and fix them better than they were. I am following the book by Huddleston, Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster. I am finding the book to be an amazing resource for understanding how love is the greatest healer of all. Think of that. LOVE as healer. For me it is the love of God. The book says higher power, blah, blah, what ever you want to call something that is higher than ourselves, so I call mine God.

I think of God's healing touch and power as something that surrounds me. That is constant, that is unshakable and undeniable. The color of God's love is a gorgeous, luminous shimmering gold with silver and bronze accents. A beautiful color to wrap myself around in to let my body do some healing.

I think of God's love as the very first love I should have experienced as a child and as a human being, (even before that of my parents) but I do not unfortunately, remember that feeling of God's love. I am not sure why this is so, but I hope to figure it out. Or, perhaps this is universally the case with all people. Who knows?

But as I enter my second week of healing I hope to be guided by my body to let me know what it needs and wants to make it easier for it to rebuild itself. I am so happy knowing this process and knowing that my body doesn't need a thing except love and rest to make it heal itself so beautifully. (Okay, and perhaps some good doctoring and medications to accompany this).

What I truly believe and have complete conviction about is the fact that God loves me unconditionally and without reservation. This is the same way I must approach or extend the love I give to my body. Love, love, and more love. It is like an ingredient that is required in many bodily recipes making them above perfection.

I have a magnate on my fridge and it reads::

DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE

--- GOD

HaH! I am going to rest and heal!

Peace...Robin