A little hiccup in my diddi-up!!
Oops. Please forgive me for such a long period of time in between musings. I have actually been busy. Yes, busy. First of all I had my seventh hip surgery about five weeks ago and so that put me down for about three weeks. Then I slowly started to be able to lift my right leg up. You see, over the winter when I did my swing-a-long-with Robin routine, trying desperately not to fall down on my titanium side (left) I ended up tearing the psoas tendon in my right hip, which required surgery. Dear Lord! I can't win! So, off I went to surgery where the wonderful David Palmer did his seventh bit of work on my hips. However, here's the good news in all of this slowing down. It made me begin to listen to myself. To hear what my Holy Spirit was telling me, and most importantly, how to begin to trust myself. Trust myself. I have no idea at what point in my life I began not to, but I did. So, at 52 I believe I am finally beginning to listen to this most powerful inner guidance. It is nothing short of amazing.
During this listening process I have been guided by my inner self to make some very big changes. Changes that I have needed to make for a long time, but have been very afraid of making. Somewhere along the line of my life I have let others do my thinking for me. I have listened to their guidance and dutifully taken that guidance whether I thought it was right or not. Well, I am not willing to do as much of that any longer. Listening to others is often good if it is accompanied by the wisdom of not repeating mistakes, which can be very costly both time-wise and financially. If taking guidance from someone who has been through something I am going through and can offer their wisdom to spare me, that is good! However, I believe I have been listening to myself for a long time already but have been too afraid to truly TRUST myself to make my own decisions about myself, my marriage and my life.
For instance, I have had a friend who for years has belittled me, called me names, and basically treated me very poorly and I have accepted this friend as a condition of our friendship. It doesn't occur often, but it occurs and then it dawned on me. Would I treat myself in this manner? Would I treat others in this manner? Is this acceptable behavior from someone who professes to love me, as she does? I love this woman, I truly do. She and I have been friends for years and it hasn't been all the time, just sometimes. But, is sometimes even okay with me? The answer is a resounding NO. So, I have made the decision to keep my distance from her and not accept unacceptable behavior from her or anyone else for that matter. I have learned through my illnesses that any form of negativity is not good for me. Period. I want to surround myself with love, light, and the positivity and love of God.
I have a junior high and high school girl friend who is probably one of the strongest women I know. She has had to endure many physical illnesses and has done so with power, grace, and dignity. That is what I want my new me to look like. These are the attributes that I have inside me that I have never let out due to fear. Well, people, the boxing gloves are going back on, because I want some of the Robin back that got lost in all the physical ailments. The feelings of being a victim and why me? Nope, not any more. I am going to begin to unleash the Robin who I remember as being tough, happy, and healthy. I can be all of these things despite having bad hips and a chronic illness/chronic pain predicament. Because I have a hunch that I have buried that girl and it is time for her to come back out. I can hardly wait to see what happens next.
Much, much more to come.
Namaste,
Robin
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