Life Changes on a Dime

Surrender to Win

I hopped onto Facebook this morning and was scanning some friends that FB thought I should have or in other words, FB had noticed that we had mutual friends in common and suggested that I befriend them again, oh, we all know how the darn thing works. Anyway, I clicked onto a person whom I hadn't seen in a long time while living in Portsmouth NH. When living I once knew this person very well. She was part of a posse of really tight girl friends and I remember feeling like she was very much a kindred spirit having similar upbringings and life experiences. But unfortunately, over the years, I had heard she had taken a turn for the worse and her life and begun to spiral out of control. First it was anti-depressants and alcohol, then it was prescription pain medications that she was abusing. I heard that she tried several times to take her own life, leaving behind three gorgeous girls all of college age.

Of course, everyone was concerned for her. We all wanted to do something for her:: but what? She wanted no help. How does one help someone who wants no help? Or worse yet, thinks they need no help? It's a no win situation and that's the tragedy of it. So, when I was on FB this morning and saw a picture of her after so many years, I was stunned, simply stunned at what I was seeing. The radiant person I once knew was simply gone and in its wake was someone I barely recognized. And it's all behind the eyes. The eyes really are the view to the soul. She was gone. The person I once knew was gone, completely gone. She was bloated, worn, and sorrowful. I saw sorrowful because there was a sorrow behind her eyes that I never recall being there before. It was a deep and troublesome sorrow. One that meant to me that her once lovely, creative spirit had vanished and had not been replaced by anything good or joyous. Something had taken her. She tried looking happy, but it wasn't convincing. She tried looking radiant but something was missing.

I realized that God was missing from her. She was once one of the most spiritual people I had ever known and it was apparent to me that that spirit had vanished from her eyes and from her very soul and it was this that I noticed missing from her. She seemed to still be fighting. Fighting to win the battle over wanting to believe in God. A dear, dear friend and mother figure to me once told me we either believe in God or we don't, this is an area where there's no middle ground. The friend on FB I once vividly recall giving me the desire and motivation to seek God rather than fight seeking him and it was this fight I saw removed from her. It had evaporated, poof. It had literally appeared that she was done fighting, or she had no more fight in her, only surrender if she wished for it or wanted it more than anything else. She once told me to surrender and I so wish I could say those words to her. Since I can't, I will pray for her. I will pray that she finds the will to surrender so that she will survive. That picture of her on FB could fool a lot of people but it can't fool the very people who know her best...me and at least ten other women I know. We can only pray for her and put her into the hands of God. Pray that she softens and yields and surrenders to the Power she once thought so highly of. It also makes me want to stay very close to God in my own life because life can change in an instant. It can turn my eyes from ones full of joy to ones full of sorrow and lifelessness.

So, I will pray like crazy that my friend find some peace inside of herself. We need her to stay on the planet a while longer because her creative nature is so dynamic and because her personality is so big and wonderful. Her laugh so powerful and fresh. Please God. Bless her, surround her with your love. And let me be of service if you need me.

It Takes a Village

Or In My Case.... A Team

This morning I finally woke up at a decent hour of the morning, 5:30-ish. Thank you, God! However, one of the things that was on my mind as I was walking my older labrador down the spiral stair case was just how much of a team I have that surrounds me with love, support, connection and continuity.

I thought I was going to get the same thing at a clinic called Maps. It is founded by one of my childhood buddies, on its staff is a doctor I was in 5th grade with, and I truly thought that this was going to help me have a better connection than the one I had already created with OSI Physical Therapy, Dr. Wilkens, and Julia Crowley. But could I EVER be more wrong! At Maps everything is under one roof, meaning, I thought I would be able to stop running all over the place for medications, PT, injections, etc. But the same thing happened, I was still going to have to drive to various locations to do everything that needed doing, so I was back running around but doing so with people I didn't know as well as I already did with the team I didn't realize was a team. So, I was back to square one. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with Maps, but it just didn't fit the need I was requiring of it. And much to my amazement, Mike at OSI told me yesterday that I am getting stronger every day. My body is changing. I am soo incredibly grateful. Let me tell you why this is so important to me.

Yesterday, for my appointment, I walked into OSI Physical Therapy's Stillwater office (that's where I always go) and was met by the wonderful and beautiful Shirley at the front desk. Shirley has an amazing story herself. She has just recovered from breast cancer and right behind her, supporting her every step of the way, was the entire staff of OSI. One day when I was there for an appointment, every one of the staff members were wearing a perfect shade of pink t-shirt with Shirley's gorgeous face on the front of it. Apparently they were all on their way to a breast cancer walk-a-thon in Shirley's honor. That is the kind of company OSI is and if that is how they treat their employees, just think how they treat us, their patients. Anyway, Shirley has now become my mentor of how to go through physical crisis and do it with dignity and grace because that's what she did. Shirley is my inspiration.

So, my team consists of OSI and the wonderful Mike Ripley and staff (I have yet to run into a bad OSI person and I have been going there off and on since 2005), my pain management and primary care physician, the wonderful Dr. Jane Wilkens, and now my emotional supporter, Julia Crowley, MS.

Julia is a new member of my team. One of the things Dr. W has been teaching me about is the correlation between anxiety and pain...they go hand-in-hand. So I must be able to control my anxiety levels so that my pain stays under control and vice versa. I also refuse to take any anti-anxiety or anti-depressive medications, period. I will go through this with the help of people and God, period. Anyway, Mike has been helping me learn this as well. So, Dr. Wilkens suggested that I see a therapist who can help me deal with some emotional issues and help me resolve those so that my anxiety, depression, self-pity, and all the other issues that goes along with having a chronic illness and chronic pain may be better resolved and better under my control. The TM I am learning will be another great device to use as a way to help me stay emotionally under control and what I call emotionally mature. I have heard it said before that emotional immaturity or insecurity are:: self-pity, worry, anger, and depression. These are the things I wish to change about myself. Julia is the person to assist me with that. Also, Julia has already referred me to a energy healer. I have known for quite some time that my Chi energy or call it what you will, but there's energy jammed up in my body and it's blocked in and around my hip area, which is the area of the body that sustains balance. When the hip area is out of whack life's balance is out of whack. Guess what? Does this sound at all familiar? Hah. i can hardly wait for that appointment. Julia Crowley is a holistic therapist. In other words, she does not believe in treating patients with medications, which is why I liked her in the first place. She is amazing and I have seen her twice and have eight more appointments already in made.

My team is in place. I no longer need to look around for the team for it is firmly in place. I trust my team to care for me and I, in turn, value my team by doing what they ask of me. Yesterday, Mike told me I was getting stronger and stronger. He said I was doing that because I was willing and determined. He shows up for work every day even after losing both his parents in one week. Meaning, his mother died on Thursday, October 1st and his father passed Thursday October 8th. God Bless Mike Ripley. I love that man and what he has taught me. Linda Olsen too. But, my husband and I send Mike our heartfelt condolences and sympathy to a man who has been through his own personal heart ache, but manages to get up every day and keep plugging away.

I guess the moral of this story is that we all have our own heart aches and heart breaks, but it is how we handle them that makes all the difference to our bodies, hearts, and minds. Recently, I have been so personally crushed by some things that have gone on in my life that I didn't know how to get out of bed, and then I didn't know how to get off the couch. Now, at least, I am off the couch and have my team in place to help me stay off the couch, unless of course, it is to ice my butt cheek!! Hah. I also have my best partner to help me, my husband. My best girl friends, Joan and Judy and my parents. And the most powerful supporter and the most important one of my life is, God. Placing my faith and trust in God is the most important thing I can do for myself right now. And with all of this in place I have no where but up to go.

For more information on any of my team members please contact me via email and I will be only too happy to be of service to you.

Have a blessed day,

RC blogging from the RockinR Ranch-well from the imaginary Texas ranch in my mind. Gosh I love the Texas Hill Country! Cheers.

Two Gold Stars

Two Gold Stars

Well, it's another one of those early, early mornings, but what can you do? This morning I am off the houseboat kick and on to the I just got Two Gold Stars from Dr. Wilkens yesterday and that trumps everything! Yeeha!

The reason I received the stars is this :: On Thursday night, Mitch and his colleague, Mike Reis and I were all driving home from a delightful dinner at Cafe Latte. As you may recall, I have been having some serious problems with my left IT band sliding out of place. This occurs when I cross my right leg over my left leg and the left leg slides across the mid-line. Well, I was sneaking into position so I could hear what was being said by the boys in the front seat, and without thinking, I crossed my leg and immediately the IT band slid across the outer portion of my leg and I was left screaming, and I mean screaming, in the back seat of Mike's rental car.

The men gently eased the car onto the side of the road, but had no idea what to do about the situation. They had an hysterical woman in the backseat of the car who was shrieking to be brought to the ER or to have someone call 911 and hurry it up! The pain was so horrific that I literally did not know what to do to help myself. No idea.

And then in dawned on me. Robin, stop shrieking and start breathing. Dr. Wilkens had been telling me for years to watch my anxiety levels and this seemed like THE perfect time to begin that process. So, I simply stopped screaming and started breathing. Shallow to start but eventually they began to get deeper. Mitch's hand was gently rubbing the back of my calf muscle and as I was breathing deeper and deeper he could literally feel the muscle begin to relax and then :: NERVANA!! That IT Band slid right back into place and I was pain free, completely, pain free. And all I did was relax! Breath and relax. Mitch even felt the band slide into place. It was literally amazing.

So, when I told Dr. Wilkens about it at our next appointment, she gave me the two gold stars! Yay. It was literally my first attempt at turning anxiety around and instead, creating something far more powerful.

Wow. Dr. Wilkens has been right all along! Anxiety and pain go hand-in-hand together. It's almost like they feed off of each other. In learning how to relax and calm myself down I am learning another way or have another tool in my tool box to help myself calm down, slow down, and relax.

Disclaimer:: Since I have been up since 2:30am I am not responsible for typos or any other weirdness that may occur in this morning's blog. Hah!! :)

Modern Houseboat

Enthralled with this Neiman Marcus His and Hers

This is just about the most gorgeous houseboat I have EVER laid eyes on. I saw it in this year's NM Christmas catalogue and was so taken with it I have now done some research on it. Between this and our Airstream CCD, Mitch and I will be nomadic junkies tooling around the US, Canada and Mexico and South America. What a blast.

The other thing I like to much is the fact that all of our four legged children can join us on our trips because it is essential that they accompany us on our lives' journey. Plus, we have a NO CAT LEFT BEHIND rule. It was a silly notion in the school system, but it sure works well for us in our little family system.

I will write more later because there's much to say on the doctor front. What ever you do, don't go to MAPS interventional pain clinic for anything beyond working with the doctors. I will explain later. In the meantime, here's the link for my new home ::

http://www.metro-ship.com

ENJOY!!

RC

Early Saturday Morning

One thing is clear!

One thing is perfectly clear, if I don't take time out of my day to get off of my feet and rest the remainder of my day, the week is blown. This week I felt great. It began with the epidural injection on Monday, which gave me really great pain results, meaning it took away a large percentage of my pain and suffering. This guy Cohn is really a miracle worker. He is the only doctor who has managed to figure out exactly where the impinged nerve is, isolate it and then inject it, providing me with amazing pain free results. Considering the person at HFA in downtown Mpls couldn't figure it out and injected me at least seven times, but in the wrong area. Cohn interpreted the results from all of my MRI's differently and he nailed it. He is now wanting me to undergo a nasty test called an EMG. This test determines the rate of nerve contraction by the muscle. They stick you with needles in the muscle and then run current. Not my favorite thing to do I assure you, but I am considering it. He says it will provide him with much clearer results and accuracy, plus indicate whether or not I have any other problems of a serious nature that may be in need of repair. I think this may be something I should mindfully consider. Now I will pray about it, talk with people about it, and then make my decision. In the meantime, I will be grateful that I am not in near the pain I once was.

The other interesting thing that occurred this week is that I am, very lightly, communicating with my step-brother again after at least 20 some years. It was fun trading memories of our mutual past, growing up in a household that was insane with alcoholism and really smart chemists. My mother could sure through a lab party that's all I have to say. Apparently the chemistry department still talks about the Overend lab parties and the "debauchery" as Chris calls it that occurred at those parties. They were certainly wild times and I am super glad that the stories have been pasted down through the chemistry department's oral history. There is a bust of John that mother commissioned (much to the department's embarrassment, I might add) and he's now located in the faculty lounge, so that he doesn't miss a meeting. I thought that a righteous and highly amusing thing to do with the weird bust. I can't imagine what was going through her mind other that she just couldn't let go of her life and John was at the center of it. How tragic is that. My poor mother had no identity outside of being married. That makes me stay compassionate and caring for her, a woman who put a man before her children and before herself. How very tragic that she never developed a strong enough sense of self that she could stand on her own two feet emotionally and spiritually, but she could not. I am so glad to be able to break that cycle in the family. Because that type of behavior stopped with me. If I would have had my own children they would have been taught differently and they would have seen my actions as different. Hopefully, my sister's children will see this in me as I take daily actions in my life that are much different than the examples my mother could have provided. Example is always the best teacher. Anyway, I am always a bit sad about this behavior of my mother's and wish she could have been different, but it clearly showed me behaviors that I did not want in my own life and I made sure I knew how to change to make those behaviors a thing of the past. And that's exactly what has happened, gratefully.

Today will be a very fun family day and date day with my husband. First, we are going to the Louisiana Cafe for breakfast and then we travel down south of the city for a hay ride and corn maze. I have wanted to do a corn maze for the longest time and today's the day. After the corn harvest the farmers design mazes and then mow the corn down according to the design. Then we pay for the use of running through the fields trying to figure our way out. Tina's son, Ayden will be there and watching the excitement in his eyes will be equally fun. But, I am sorry, two year olds aren't the only ones that have fun in a corn maze. 50 somethings have an equally good time too. I think this is the case because that youthful spirit never leaves the mind. I think this is one of the hardest parts of aging. The mind stays youthful while the body begins its decline. I am wondering if having a mind later in life is a good thing or not. Losing memory used to be called something besides Alzheimers and dementia, but I can't recall (of course) the name of it. My point is that I wonder if losing ones memories and such is actually a gentler way to go than remembering you were young once and able to do so much more. I have recognized in my own body that I simply can not do what I once was able to do even though my mind still wants me to. Surrendering to this realization has come as a shock and a difficult surrender to make. What an adjustment. Horrid actually. But an adjustment that simply had to make or I would be fighting something that i was not able to win so it became much easier to surrender than to continue to struggle. Then I gained my energy back and my ability to move in a more positive direction. That you God. Struggle and fighting takes so much energy! Phew. I am glad the worst of it is over and the positive energy can takes its place.

Well, have a wonderfully positive day and I will tell you all about the corn maze tomorrow!

Cheers....Robin

A Healer Needs to Heal.

Yesterday's Interesting Medical Day

Yesterday my day began with an early appointment with the Vet, Betsy Thorsen at Stillwater Vet Clinic. It was at 8am and I just couldn't get there at that time, so I pushed it back to after my PT. So, I had two dogs in the car while I was at my WONDERFUL physical terrorists office.

First, I would like to tell you about an amazing healer who calls himself a physical therapist, Mike Ripley. The company he founded along with a buddy is called OSI Physical Therapy Associates and he is a miracle worker as far as I am concerned. However, this week has been an emotionally tough one for Mike because he lost both his parents in one week's time span. He lost his mother on the 1st of October and lost his father on the 8th. He was home when his mother died and home is South Dakota. I believe they lived near Pierre. Anyway, after 56 years of marriage the thought of losing her husband, I believe, simply did her in emotionally and she decided to go before him. After that loss, Mike's father gathered his boys together in a room (he had home hospice care) and told them that, he too, would be leaving that he was tired and ready to go. His wife was where he wanted to be and he was ready to go and be with her. Now, keep in mind, I am getting all of this information while Mike is working me out on the bench with a balance ball, or he's working me out on a weight machine, but suffice to say that I am working while he is talking. His face it grim with grief but he works while he grieves, it must help him deal with this tremendous loss.

Anyway, by the following Tuesday I walked in for my appointment (Mike was in South Dakota again) and was told that Mike's father was within days of dying and he was simply waiting for the day. When I went in on Thursday for my appointment, Mike's father had died Tuesday morning shortly after my appointment, they had the funeral, and Mike was back and seeing patients. My jaw dropped open. It was like shock and awe. What on earth was he doing home seeing patients within days of both of his parents dying. Was he nuts?

No, he is in the grieving process, I believe. We all grieve differently and Mike is clearly on fumes. At some point he is going to collapse and when he does, his family, his work family, and his patient family will help him collapse and support him while he does this. I think there's nothing more wonderful that being supported by people who love you. And I may be a lowly long-term patient of his, but I love him dearly, he's family in my book. And quite frankly, so are most of people who work there. Each one of them have contributed to my healing process whether they know it or not. That's why when other doctors or PT people recommend someone else for my PT needs, I am not interested in exploring that option. I know exactly who my family is in this regard. I wish he didn't need to feel these intense feelings of loss, but he does. And he needs to feel them all, when he does this, he will be over the bulk of it, but until he takes the time to drop, he will not be addressing the glaring emotional work he needs to do to heal. He has helped me with my needs more than anyone else I work with from a medical standpoint, well, besides the wonderful Dr. Wilkens, but now it's time for Mike.

It is also my turn as his friend to support him in anyway that I can. Whether that be just giving him hugs when I see him twice a week for my appointments, or bringing in a card, a meal, flowers, a plant, whatever it is, it is my turn to support him as he heals. I have said time and again there are people in the medical profession who are healers and there are people who are not. Mike is a healer. The book he gave me to read a couple of weeks ago, and yes, he gives me and lots of other patients books to read that he's read already and then he shares them with us, but the book is titled, "Doubt and Faith". What a perfect book to have read prior to losing both parents in a span of 8 days. My heart goes out to him. My husband certainly joins me in offering our prayers to him and all of his family. But, I must say, I feel like family too. I may be over stepping, but after five years of him teaching, helping, and supporting me, he is my peeps. I will support him and his staff in anyway that they need me to step up. After all they have done for me it is the least I can do.

So, our prayers are with you Mike and family. When you let go and really begin to grieve you have many, many people to hold you while you let go. I am one of them, and there are so many others. You're safe, you're protected, and we love and support you. This is what you have so generously offered me over the years and I return it with glee (meaning an enthusiasm to help) and reverence.

God bless you Mike. God Bless OSI.

Robin

Last Night's Entertainment

Thank you my dear friend, Gregg!

Last evening I was a guest of my dear friend, Gregg at a piano concert entitled :: Keyboard Conversations with Jeffrey Siegel :: Robert Schumann:: Fantasies--Forbidden and Fulfilled. It was nothing short of fabulous, of course.

The most interesting and astounding thing that occurred all evening was finding out that my dear friend graduated in piano performance and I so apologize for not getting the name of the major accurate. I think it is a BFA but I am not entirely positive. Anyway, I was stunned to find that out about Gregg and I simply love picking up new and delightful snippets or tidbits of people as relationships grow and mature.

Performed on the Hamline University campus at the Sundin Music Hall, the other delightful part of the evening was that Jeffrey Siegel does a combination of stunning piano performance coupled with telling the stories of the Schumann's. In other words, Mr. Siegel uses both the professional and personal lives of the Schumann's as a back drop for the pieces that will be performed and how the original composer and Siegel decided upon them. It piqued my curiosity about the somewhat tragic lives of Robert + Clara Schumann, yet Siegel spoke clearly of Schumann's incredible talents as composer and musician. I also thought it sad to know that the minute Robert married Clara her days as a gifted composer in her own right, died. Apparently, Germany in the mid-1800's was not good for clever, talented female musicians, nor was a jealous and ambivalent husband. Tisk. But, boy was she ever a baby making machine! Together they put out a total of eight children. You go girl!! After Schumann's death at 46 in a mental hospital Clara devoted the remainder of her life to profiling and protecting his enormous body of work. The layering and texturing of his musical style was immediately recognizable to my naked ear and it was such a gift to close my eyes and LISTEN.

I also think that Mr. Siegel has quite the following in terms of audience attendees. The last sentence that he utters that puts an end to an incredible evening is :: Keep Listening! and several people chimed in when he spoke the words. Even that got me to thinking because there are so many ways to listen, however, last night's version was one I will always cherish.

Thank you again, Honey Man. You rocked, no, opened up this snippet of my world and I appreciate it.

See you next week and.....

Keep Listening!

Oh, and I am holding you to letting me listen to you perform...and sooner rather than later. xxxooo

At Least It's Later in the Morning!

Thursday Morning Musing with a Weird Left Hip

Well, yesterday I crossed my right leg over my left. You know how most women sit down, they cross their legs. I've heard that sitting in this manner creates all kinds of havoc on the legs. Vein issues, hip issues, sciatic issues, blah, blah, blah. But, most women still prefer sitting in this position while seated. So, I am used to it, I am comfortable sitting this way, and I was really happy to hear that I could still cross one leg over and not dislocate. However, I have been experiencing some very weird goings-on when I cross my leg. Remember, my surgical leg is the one on the left side. I can't cross it or I run the risk of blowing it out, which I really don't want to do. It compromises the integrity of the joint for the duration of the joint and that's just NOT good. But when I have been crossing the right over the left I am experiencing popping, catching--to the point of not being able to move the joint at all, and I am screaming in pain while this is all taking place. So, I gave myself the five times rule. If it happens five times I will call the doctor and make an appointment. Well, yesterday was the fifth time and I was yelping just like a poor injured doggy while sitting at my desk. After I was able to disconnect myself from the injury, I grabbed the phone and called my doctor ( David Palmer, MD St. Croix Ortho, 651.439.8807). I am seeing him Tuesday.

One great thing that happened, however, was that yesterday I also had an appointment with my wonderful physical terrorist, Mike Ripley, from OSI Physical Therapy. I mentioned this problem to him and he is convinced that it is most likely not the joint that is malfunctioning, but it is my IT band which is a band of connective tissue that runs down the outside of each leg. I had just had a steroid injections in both hip bursas so connective tissue softens when the shots are given. And since I have also had two bursectomy's on that side, during both surgeries, Dr. Palmer had released the IT band slightly to give the bursa's some relief. In other words, he released them and then the pressure on my bursa's released, which was/is a very good thing.

Now the problem may be that we have released the IT band so much that it is sliding over the bursa, or sliding over something and doing it only when I am in certain positions I place myself in. Well, this ought to be good. I would absolutely be willing to have Dr. Palmer go in there with that scope and tighten things up again I can tell you that. When that thing slides it's absolute hell on earth. So, more will be revealed and my appointment is on Tuesday so I will keep you all posted. In the mean time, I am going to learn all I can about IT bands and their release and their tightening. Hopefully, I will go into this appointment with some knowledge. Plus, Mike always goes with me to these appointments and that is the wonderful thing about seeing the same PT guy for so long--not to mention the fact that Mike is just a generally fabulous human being. He knows how I work and he knows how my body works. This combination is very important and I appreciate his extra effort in going with me to see DP. He is a very, very good PT person and his passion for his profession has not waned at all in the 25/30 years he has had his practice.

So, OSI Physical Therapy :: Stillwater Office :: 651.439.8540. Tell Sue or Rachel or Shirley that Robin sent you.

Cheers...and until tomorrow...Robin

Another REALLY Early Morning Musing

Wednesday Morning Musing

Well, I can barely keep my eyes open right now, but that's what happens when the cat wakes you up at 4am. Actually, she woke me up at 2, 3 and then finally at 4 I simply got up. According to the information below, I should have beat her, but not in the face....read on, please. So, Grant Bratrud, an old grade school chum, had a very interesting YouTube video on his FB page this morning and I must admit to rarely going to YouTube unless directed to do so, but off I went utilizing the information Grant posted on FB.

The video is titled::

How to beat your wife

www.youtube.com and it was very, very scary. I found it to be especially disconcerting that a culture of people would rank their women along side their animals. In other words, animals and women are given equal status in the beating up department. So, tip number one is; never beat your animals or your woman in the face. Now, that is a great bit of useful information, don't cha think? Yikes. Is it me, or is that way of thinking just simply out of control for any culture? And yes, if this sounds judgmental it probably is. I have a very difficult time rapping my arms around a culture of people who believe that beating anything is a good idea and one that will produce useful results. Jeez. I can't even begin to fathom this type of scenario. Husband comes home, decides something isn't "right" in the house, beats his wife (but not in her face) as a way of disciplining her, and then moves right along with life. Just think of the dysfunction that leaves in its wake. And I so hate the word dysfunction because it's way too psycho-bably but that's what it is. Latent dysfunction generation after generation. Now that is truly depressing and completely upsetting. I will pray for this culture of people and that they be given a serious attitude adjustment or something that changes perspective. Yikes.

Okay, so that's was a depressing bit of information, no? Let's head in a more positive direction shall we? Yesterday I had my weekly appointment with the wonderful Dr. Wilkens, my pain specialist and my primary care doc all rolled into one. She is a marvelous doctor and part of being a good doctor is giving a patient a stern going over. So, I did get the business from Jane and am learning the difference between pain and anxiety. And I am learning how pain and anxiety feed off each other and how to better control my emotions so they don't control me. The more I am able to manage my emotions and keep them under control the more helpful I can be in controlling my pain, which is exactly what I hope to accomplish. Apparently, physical pain and emotional anxiety roll around together feeding off each other until they produce negative results. I have said before how determined I am to implement as much holistic medicine as possible into my daily host of medicines I must take. It's like a little Celebrex and a little Black Cohosh! Works for me...However, the more I am able to calm myself down without taking something, the better the holistic pain management.

I am dying to talk to my BFF, Judy, http://www.judithmccannvoiceworks.com about being my TM coach. She has been doing Transcendental Meditation for well over 20 years and I would love to learn the seven steps from her. It would be a fabulous gift to me. But, more about that later. We shall see how things shake out, but what I do know is that I will not put anything in my system that makes my emotions settle down. That's an inside job and one that I have the power to do myself in a healthy, positive way with a little extra good orderly direction (GOD) thrown in for good measure.

Life is grand.

Life is sacred. Your loved ones are sacred and they don't EVER deserve to be beaten. Period.

Life is better spent thinking positive thoughts and praying all the time for those we love and for those we don't even understand.

Have a great day!

TGIF!!

Everyday is a Blessed Day!

As some of you know, about four years ago I finally honored my desire to become a Catholic and went through the RCIA classes and was confirmed into the church at Easter Vigil Mass with Father LeVoir (now Bishop LeVoir) at St. Michael's in Stillwater, Minnesota. I had wanted to be Catholic from as far back as I can remember because the Episcopalian religion never spoke to my heart as the Catholic church did.

One of the most influential Catholic personalities to me was Mother Angelica (and of course, Mother Teresa) but for a number of years Mother Angelica had her own TV program on the EWTN station while I was living in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. I recall listening to her and getting such powerful identification and the information she discussed about faith and trust was so wonderful and calming to me just at a time when I needed it most. It is often very amusing to me when people so often go up into their minds to "think" about connecting with God and it has been my experience that thinking has nothing to do with finding God. It actually gets in the way since it is still such a part of our ego and ego blocks the entry of God. But, again, I digress.

Yesterday I picked up a book on Mother Angelica and was reading it before bedtime last night. It is a book on her private personal prayers and the way she prayed. She was an amazing pray-er and so many years of doing it makes her an expert in my book. Anyway, I thought I would write her morning prayer here, on this blog, in case anyone wants to read it daily like I do::

At The Start of the Day::

Prayer in the Morning

Good morning Jesus. I want to give You this day with all my love. I want to unite my every thought and action with every thought and action of Your earthly life. Help me to be kind and patient. It looks like a difficult day--a day of decision and I'm not sure of the right course to take. A day of pain and I feel weak, a day of uncertainty and I tend to lose hope. Don't let me forget Your Abiding Love and Providence today. Walk beside me and when I hesitate put Your arms around me and steady my faltering steps. Guide me in Your paths and give me that assurance that comes with Faith; Faith in Your Promises, Faith in Your Love.

Have a blessed and peaceful day and weekend.

Robin